Internet Slams Husband for Not Supporting Wife Over ‘Lazy’ 28-Year-Old Son

A husband who allegedly sided with his “aggressive and defensive” son instead of his wife after their “lazy” adult child moved back home has received a storm of criticism on Mumsnet.

In a post on Mumsnet’s Am I Being Unreasonable (AIBU) forum shared under the username Outoforder2, the wife said: “I made it clear when he moved back [that] he had to abide by the rules, clear up etc. it’s not happening.

The wife said they were “having trouble with flies” and her son “is terrible for leaving stuff out, not cleaning the worktops so it attracts them more.” But when she highlights this to her husband, “he just shrugs,” she said.

The percentage of adults aged between 25 and 34 living in their parental homes has been rising over the past 20 years or so, according to data from the US Census Bureau.

More than 20 percent of men between the ages of 25 and 34 and 60 percent of men aged between 18 and 24 years old were found to be living with their parents, according to the data.

A man making hand gestures at a woman next to him during an argument.
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One night, the mother in the latest post confronted her son, saying “look, we agreed don’t leave stuff out etc,” and she said “as always he’s aggressive and defensive,” and the conversation ended in a row per usual.

“So I said to DH [dear husband]you could’ve backed me (he never ever does), he just barks at me, you’re just trying to cause a row,” she said.

Her husband has allegedly not spoken to her in a week. “He’s being super nice to DS and I’m the outsider.”

She said “the ‘you alright mate’ from DH to DS, in an overly loud nice tone for me to hear is really pushing my buttons.”

Young adults who live at home and are highly reliant on their parents suffer from a “failure to launch” (FTL), said a March 2017 study published in the peer-reviewed Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.

The parents and adult child fall into a “dependency trap,” which sees “the parental accommodations reinforce the avoidance and lack of self-efficacy.”

The study noted: “Driven by fear or resentment, parents make sporadic attempts to modify the situation or decrease the accommodation, but these are met with expressions of anger, betrayal, and aggression” from the adult child.

Several users shared a wave of support for the wife in the latest post, with many encouraging her to “stop doing” housework and “see what happens.”

One said: “You’re absolutely not wrong. DS would be put back out!” while a second suggested: “Book into a Premier Inn [hotel] and leave the f**kers to it for a few days?”

Another user wrote: “That’s so disrespectful. I’d be furious with my oh for not backing me up. I’d stop doing anything for either of them.”

And a fourth agreed, stating: “Leave the lazy bastards to play their stupid mind games, don’t cook dinner for them, pile all their crap into the washing bowl and dump it in his bedroom, treat yourself to takeaway and a nice long relaxing bath .”

Another also said to “do nothing,” including “No cleaning, no washing up, no emptying the dishwasher, no laundry, no cooking except for yourself etc. See what happens :-).”

And a final also urged “Leave it all alone. Yes it will be tough, yes you’ll want to crack. But if you clear it up, DS will never learn. Stay strong.”

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